April 2011
1 post
5 tags
After the Break-up: Analyze This!
This time it was for real. Or, so you thought. But you got dumped, and were left with nothing more than his ratty fave college tee (for a U he never attended) or her saccharine-sweet lust notes plastered to your fridge. What went wrong? You were sure it was much more than hooking up for convenience sake. Why did your affair ‘o heart end up receiving the kiss of death? ...
January 2011
1 post
3 tags
5 New Years' resolutions to help you date...
These should seem obvious to most - even so, it’s a good reminder to get your %#@$ together if your 2011 dating diary reads like a horror story.
http://dateraters.com/articles/Top5ResolutionsFrame.html
September 2010
1 post
3 tags
Tip the relationship equilibria →
Love this post! The fact that more meaningful conversations early on in the dating process leads to a more efficient dating process is no surprise. However, to see this notion supported by research should encourage more daters to be open and honest about issues that *really* matter in a relationship vs. discussing only safe topics in the hopes of securing a second date.
August 2010
2 posts
4 tags
Break-up survival kit
A lot of people have survival kits in case of a natural disaster. But, how many of you have an emotional first-aid kit for that looming relationship disaster? A female friend recently told me she has a pimped-out Jimmy Choo shoe box filled with various treasures to soothe her through even the worst break-up. Contents include: one John Mayer CD, several pictures of her family, one Vosges chocolate...
5 tags
Thanks to our Guest Blogger, ChiCityChick, for the following post:
August 1st marked a day that might be little known to some, but that should be richly celebrated by many. The special day in question was National Girlfriends Day. Yes, there is actually a holiday to celebrate the rich and rewarding benefits that come from having girlfriends in one’s life. The term girlfriend refers to...
July 2010
5 posts
4 tags
Will "Wings" Be Clipped?
Interesting dating application but in light of all the noise around privacy on Facebook, is it just a matter of time before Wings get clipped?
http://bit.ly/9759xD
4 tags
From offline to online and back again
I’m intrigued by the article in the NYTs today about new dating sites trying to bridge the gap b/w online and offline dating.
http://ow.ly/1qJKJ5
However, I’m starting to feel like we’re holding daters’ hands a bit too much. I mean, why do they need pre-printed cards with cute come-on lines to break the ice? What’s the problem with making up your own creative pick...
6 tags
Protect your rep!
For most people, their personal reputation means the difference between success and, well, failure in life. Up until recently (say the past 10 years), we exercised a fair amount of control over our personal branding. We shared only what we chose to share. We were a one-person public relations firm revering our triumphs, while spinning our disappointments if not to protect our reputations, than...
plight-of-the-educated-woman:
Is it sad that he hasn’t contacted me all day and I’m anxious and wondering what I did wrong?
Yikes. The in-lurrrrve me is LAME.
I can totally relate! This is exactly why we started Dateraters.com - so people could ask for feedback from their dates. Too many nights wondering what we did “wrong”.
9 tags
Hey Singles… Are You Date-Worthy?
We’ve been there. You spot a cutie. You’re summoning the fortitude to approach, then…disaster. You’re overcome by the self-doubt that afflicts us all at one time or another. “Will she notice my nose hair?” “Will he care that I’m wearing a cardigan that my Mee-maw made me?” While we can never endorse questionable hygiene or Grandma’s craft projects, we can provide a...
June 2010
9 posts
4 tags
Has niche dating gone too far
There has been a lot of press lately surrounding the launch of Cupidtino, a new dating site geared towards Apple fans. As innovative and appealing as the site sounds, there are some serious concerns with what it represents that should raise our collective eyebrows.
Full disclosure: I’m a PC user, but I have nothing against Macs or Mac-hearts. I have an iPhone and am currently in the market for...
5 tags
Is Facebook to blame for break-ups?
As good as Facebook and other social networking sites are at building relationships, they are equally as good at wrecking them. The fact that social networking has become so pervasive has caught the attention of researchers. In study after study, the findings are the same – Facebook, Twitter and the like fuel jealousy. Why? Because it’s easy for socially networked couples to assume infidelity and...
4 tags
Are you rebounding like an NBA all-star? →
Thinking about rebounding after a recent break-up? Not sure if you’re someone else’s rebound? Check out the DateRaters’ Love Docs’ newest article on “rebounds” (even if you’re not there now, you know you have been)
Is anyone else disturbed by some of these sites? →
5 tags
Crowd-source your dating decisions
Her: You’ve read his Match.com profile at least 10 times. He’s an urban professional seeking the same. He’s 6 feet tall (yeah, right!), enjoys the outdoors, chillin’ at home with a good movie, and spending time with friends and family. Sound familiar?
Him: You’ve checked her out on Facebook and she seems promising. She’s a traffic-stopping blonde whose looks are rivaled only by a killer bod. She...
Stop fixating on a future that's uncertain
Things will be perfect once we are married, once he gets that promotion, once he settles down and stops going out every night, once we have kids, once we make more money, once we move to the bigger place….” Sound familiar? Perhaps you too have taken your current relationship and painted it with dreams until the perfect rosy picture unfolds in your mind.
Or, maybe you’re the opposite kind of...
5 tags
Where's my lid?
There’s a saying, “there’s a lid for every pot”. In the dating world, this loosely translates to “there’s someone for everyone”. A lot of my single friends lament that they can’t find the right guy or girl. Having found my true love, I feel for them. I really do.
Like the saying, I do believe there is someone for everyone. After all, in a world of nearly 7 billion people and healthy...
Geeks rule!
While both guys and girls love a pretty face, many daters will give an average-looking chap or lady a chance if they possess brains. Even the most physically attractive individuals will be a huge turn off if the only thing they ever read was an eye-chart. Intelligence is incredibly sexy (ladies-think Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting; guys- think Scarlet Johansson in Lost in Translation). For many...
5 tags
Time to brush up on your Ps and Qs
Making a good impression on your date and his or her inner circle can be an intimidating challenge - especially if your interpersonal skills need some polishing. Naturally, your date’s (and your date’s crew) instinct is to guard against bad influences. Suspect social skills may cause you to be less popular with your date than other suitors, but a couple basic tips to multiply your...
May 2010
15 posts
6 tags
I hate to perpetuate stereotypes of beauty, but let’s face it - looks matter. Sure, we’ve all heard those placating proverbs like “beauty is only skin deep”, and “it’s not what’s on the outside that matters, but what’s on the inside.” Anyone want to bet that whoever coined these phrases had a “great personality”? Call me a...
6 tags
I’ve been witness to a few break-ups recently. In 2 of the 3 situations the “dumpee” jumped into another relationship within a couple of weeks. Now, mind you, I’m taking some liberties using the term ”relationship” but if it looks like a duck and quacks like one, it’s probably a duck. There are proper dinners outside the house, romantic notes exchanged...
Please shut up!
Tonight, I overheard a couple (or should I say 1/2 of the couple) talking on the train about their day. Trying hard as I could not to eavesdrop, I simply couldn’t help myself. It wasn’t as if the conversation was so titillating. Rather, I was flabbergasted at how one-sided the conversation was. I mean, girlfriend couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Her man kept droning on about this colleague, that...
Changing the changeable
How do you typically respond when your girlfriend doesn’t change something you find unbelievably annoying? If you’re like many, you give up and convince yourself that “people can’t change”. Afterall, how else can we console ourselves when we are unsuccessful at altering our GF’s ways? To claim that WE failed simply won’t do… so we blame the person...
Porn cries wolf
I read a statistic today that said the porn industry blames it’s recent multi-million dollar revenue decline on online dating sites. Anyone feel sorry for the porn industry?
Don't say yes when you want to say no
Are you struggling to get your point across in a way that gets your significant other’s attention without provoking World War III. You could have an assertiveness problem…
Being assertive means identifying your wishes and making them known. It’s standing up for yourself to the appropriate degree (read: some things aren’t worth the fight).
When assertiveness is overdone,...
From Friends to Flirts to Flame →
Trying to take a friendship to the next level? The LoveDocs want to help…
The truth may hurt, but it will set you free
It’s happened too many times for me to count on my fingers and toes… and maybe even on my eyelashes.
After a girlfriend goes on a first date, I get the inevitable phone call: a report of the evening followed by some version of “I wonder if he likes me. He said he would call and I am sure he’ll call or text by (we discuss an acceptable timeframe here). I sure hope he gets back in touch. I think...
Stop worrying
Are you a worrier? Do you constantly fret about your girlfriend dumping you for a younger guy? Concerned that your boyfriend will run for the hills after he meets your family? Well, stop worrying! If you have little to no control over a situation, worry is a useless activity. Ask yourself, “is my thinking about this going to change one thing?” If not, why bother? For example, if you...
The fallacy of first impressions
By some estimates people form opinions of other people as quickly as a few seconds. Is it any wonder so many first dates never lead to second dates?
I’m sure there are people who are skilled at sizing up people in a few seconds but most of us aren’t as accurate. Sure, you can get a feeling about someone after a brief encounter but who among us really shows our true colors when...
Facebook is evil...
…at least when it comes to break-ups. I’ve written on this topic before but I never cease to be amazed at how intricately linked all of our lives are because of FB. Last week a friend broke up with her boyfriend after a year-long relationship. Like many couples, they started as friends (actually, they’re practically life-long friends). I’ve always envied people like this -...
Research shows that a full 2/3 of adults aged 30-49 text message. Among the teen and college set, this number is even higher. I get the whole “wired” thing and am an avid texter myself. However, despite the abundant rules of etiquette out there many still use texting to send messages that are best left to other devices. For me, the inappropriateness of texting, poking, winking, etc. is less about...
Why do people shy away from tough conversations? Whether it’s talking to your girlfriend about taking that Vegas weekend with your bros or asking your boyfriend to cease and desist the excessive PDA, many choose to skirt the issue hoping it will go away… It never does. You can either pay now or pay later. Paying later is more emotionally costly because you’ll likely stress over...
Mind your Rep
It’s the rep mgmt equivalent of keeping up with the Joneses. In a quest to keep us honest new review sites spawn daily: http://bit.ly/9PulCr
Carpe Diem
A lot of people I know worry about the future of their relationship - will she ever stop partying so much to settle down?
Others get hung up on the past - how can I ever trust him again after he hit on my roommate?
Why spend time on a future that’s not certain and a past that is? Seize the present.
April 2010
9 posts
If you've always done it that way, it's probably...
Many people desperately cling to the past or present. They hang on to
what’s comfortable, ignoring the signals that they may need to change. Complacency is the emotional equivalent to hypertension - a
silent killer of many seemingly healthy relationships. As much change can be exciting, people are predisposed to equilibrium - read: maintain the status quo.
And, I’m as guilty as...
Restoring trust when you break it
All the recent news about celebrity infidelity got me thinking about trust. Specifically, if you lose someone’s trust in you can you ever get it back. There’s a saying among cops that goes something like this: “It takes 20 years to build a career and 20 seconds to blow one”. The same idea holds true for relationships. We earn our significant other’s (SO)...
It takes a strong person to leave a good...
I need to give props to a friend of mine who recently broke up with her boyfriend because, while she was happy, she wasn’t ecstatic. She had fun with the guy, but it was clear something was missing even though she couldn’t put her finger on it. Rather than let the relationship drag on for months or even years, she decided it was best for her (and him) to end it and move on. It takes a...
From Canne with Love
While dining on the Riveria the other night, I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the sad situation next to me. A beautiful French girl waited, at first patiently, for her presumed date to meet her. As I finished course after course, her date had still not arrived, and she became increasingly annoyed. Finally, she leapt up from the table and gave quick word to the waiter before walking out the...
The Upper-Hand in a Break-Up
Apologies for the break-up theme lately. Call me a pessimist, but I’ve been witness to several recent splits among friends, many who never saw it coming. Surprising? Perhaps, but ‘tis the season… if you believe the research showing that with warmer weather comes chillier relationships.
What’s been most interesting to me about these break-ups is how lopsided they’ve been in terms of the emotional...
3 tags
Breakin' up is hard to do... in private
Lately, it seems that more and more high profile break-ups are playing out in the public domain. Most recently it’s been Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, then Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey. Lesser knowns break up on Facebook and MySpace daily. Indeed, many actually USE Facebook to break up, not just as a megaphone to announce it. After all, what better way to stick it to your ex than by being...
4 tags
Collateral damage in a bad relationship
How many times have you watched one of your friends do nothing about their crappy relationship, or worse yet, rationalize either their own bad behavior or that of their girlfriend/boyfriend? My hit rate isn’t perfect, so I know how bad it sucks to be in said crappy relationship. However, what often gets lost in the muddle is the impact this has on the friends of the troubled couple....
3 tags
How to score a second date
You may have finally scored a first date with that hottie from the bar, but it only takes one fatal mistake to permanently turn off a prospective partner. Don’t sweat it - steer clear of these no-no’s and you’ll be one step closer to a second date.
The first fatal flaw is to start talking about your ex’s. Never, never, ever do this! I don’t care if you hooked up...
1 tag
Reputation is everything →