Breakin’ up is hard to do… in private

Lately, it seems that more and more high profile break-ups are playing out in the public domain. Most recently it’s been Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, then Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey. Lesser knowns break up on Facebook and MySpace daily. Indeed, many actually USE Facebook to break up, not just as a megaphone to announce it. After all, what better way to stick it to your ex than by being first to change your coveted relationship status to “single”, right?

It used to be that affairs of the heart were private matters. So, what’s changed?

Before FB and other social networking sites relationships - warts and all - were confined to telephone conversations and face-to-face interactions. But with the advent of Web 2.0 what were once personal matters discussed privately between couples are now publicly broadcast in cyberspace in an instant.

There’s been a lot of trash talk about breaking up via FB, Twitter and the like - much of it related to concerns over the hurtful retorts and pre-emptive attacks launched by jilted lovers in the heat of passion. Critics argue that it’s a cowards way to take this road to splitsville because you don’t have to face the wrath of your ex in person. They look down at those who choose to use Twitter and FB to manage their relationships. While this may be true in some cases, I believe there’s often merit in calling it quits virtually.

Here’s why… when faced with an interaction that is emotionally charged (read: break up), our primordial brain takes over and something interesting happens. A part of our brain known as the amygdala gets highjacked resulting in an onslaught of chemical reactions. Adrenaline and a cocktail of other hormones floods our body. in the course of this terrorist act, our ability to reason and act rationally becomes debilitated and our thinking skills are reduced to that of a garden worm.  Worse yet, this can last for 18 minutes. You see where this is going…

With our reasoning ability blocked and our body’s emotional center turbocharged we have the potential to start spewing bad things uncontrollably - the proverbial “diarrhea of the mouth” syndrome. I’ve been there and I’m quite sure many of you have, too.

Learning of your soon-to-be-ex’s betrayal through FB or Twitter provides a buffer, allowing the scorned much needed time to digest the news and regain rational thought processing. Once the highjack passes, there is the opportunity to figure out what the hell happened and why. Had the confrontation occurred face to face, the likelihood of a regrettable action is much higher. Brains are no match for hormones.