Hey Singles… Are You Date-Worthy?

  We’ve been there. You spot a cutie.  You’re summoning the fortitude to approach, then…disaster. You’re overcome by the self-doubt that afflicts us all at one time or another.

“Will she notice my nose hair?”

“Will he care that I’m wearing a cardigan that my Mee-maw made me?”

While we can never endorse questionable hygiene or Grandma’s craft projects, we can provide a general checklist to determine if, when you approach that cutie, s/he’ll want to date you.

Are you wearing an article of clothing that you owned in high school and/or college?

You’re in tricky territory here. Ladies—if you still fit into those jeans you sported during Kappa Kappa Gamma’s 2002’s Annual Crawfish Boil, then bravo! However, be aware of what kind of guy has his eye out for girls in low cut jeans. (Read: girls with wayward thong straps). These are the perpetual frat boys who want to hook up with a feisty co-ed as a throw back to their beer-sodden, irresponsible years. They’re not going to take you home to Momma. Not in those jeans, honey.

Guys, if you’re not a professional surfer and/or skateboarder, please do yourself a favor—remove every article of Hollister apparel from your closet, laundry bag, and floor. Post haste. If we haven’t seen you on the X Games, then we don’t want to see you in any shirt that snaps closed.

Are you constantly on your Blackberry, iPhone, or whatever other piece of equipment you use as a buffer between you and the world?

Homegirls and homeboys, put the device DOWN. When you’re banging out texts in the club, or in the gym, or (gasp) under the dinner table, you don’t look busy and important. You look disinterested and disengaged, as though you have somewhere infinitely better to be. This is a turn off, especially when you do it in front of someone else. Even if you apologize profusely, blaming it on work or a terrible boss, the damage is done. Because your potential lovah will say to themselves, “If that boss is so terrible, why are you talking to them and not me? I am considering sleeping with you! Your boss won’t sleep with you. Oh, God, what if you’re sleeping with your boss…?”

See?

Put the device down.

What are you talking about?

Are you talking about yourself? Unprompted? For a really long time?

Please stop talking. Endless self-promotion appears—at best—clueless. At worst, you appear like a megalomaniac. We know, we know, it’s hard to stop yakking about yourself, especially when you’re nervous (and so generally awesome!). Even if the conversation is as stale as last month’s Cheetos, ask a question. Better yet, ask two questions, one primary and one follow–up. An interest in the other person signals good things. Like, duh, you’re interested in them. Also, and perhaps most important, it shows that you’re comfortable in your own skin. Comfort means confidence and self-actualization. You’re asking questions, you’re secure, you’re poised. In the eyes of your love interest, you are NOT going to be a stage-five clinger once the relationship develops.

Are you being nice?

To your date, obviously. But also to the waiters, bartenders, and random passersby? Ostensibly you’re going to be on your best behavior when talking to a potential date. But you know what shows real character and class? Being friendly and courteous to everyone else. We can’t tell you how many dates have been wrecked by a companion who yells at the poor busboy because there’s bacon on their salad, and they specifically requested bacon on the side. Or something equally ridiculous. And let’s not even discuss the taste in our mouths when we encounter a bad tipper. No need to throw loose change at every destitute person you pass, or to be generous to a fault. But believe us, the fault will be yours if you’re mingy.

Ok, there you have it – the fundamentals you need to know to enhance your date-worthiness. Now go get ‘em, tiger. God speed!